Psycho cravings

Late last week, Vee found me in the kitchen juicing a ruby red grapefruit and asked what I was doing. I explained that I was thirsty and felt like something citrusy...nothing wrong with that you might add but for the fact that it was 2 in the morning and I was standing in my PJ's. I actually had had this dream about this beautiful cocktail I was sharing with Vee when I woke up and felt this urge to drink something as close to it as I could.

For the first few days after chemo, I get the weirdest psycho food cravings ever. No one knows what kind of food or drink I want next, not even myself. One minute I feel like one thing and the next just the thought of the exact same thing makes me want to puke.

These psychotic episodes are a side effect of Dexamethasone, a type of steroid I have to take during and three days post chemo. Aside from the food cravings it also makes you hyper meaning I find it difficult to get a good night's sleep while I'm on these. They've given me some sleeping tablets to counter this effect but the one I took last night didn't seem to work all that well.

Anyhow I crave anything fruity, but I can't drink too many processed fruit juices with the added sugar because of my diabetes.....Dexamethasone also sends your blood sugar levels sky rocketing to levels way past the safe margins....but there's nothing to combat this side effect.

I just finished drinking three glasses of Apple, Mango & Banana juice as a treat and I'm already looking forward to drinking a hot chocolate with condensed milk later on this afternoon or am I ?...Oh and I just had a kebab with chilli sauce for lunch...Psycho cravings !!

Photophobia

It's been tough. Cycle 3 and my return to work didn't really work out as easy as planned. As my blood platelets went down mid week post chemo, my eyes started to burn constently, I started suffering from photophobia so couldn't stay in front of any computer for very long. After two attempts at returning to work I couldn't take it any longer so I was forced to spend whatever time was left before the start of my next cycle at home. I've just finished cycle 4 and I'm really over all those side effects, I'm sick of having to ingest so many tablets at different times, the constant feeling of nausea or feeling totally out of it thanks to some potent drug. I also wonder what if anything are the effects of this treatment is having on my cancer, there is after all nothing proven....and one has to wonder if instead of chemo I might as well been sucking on a lollypop with the same results without the side effects.
Most of the time you live like nothing has changed but every now and again you have to pinch yourself to remind yourself that you have cancer and live on borrowed time. it just gets frustrating, for the moment I'm living for the sake of living, I wish I had a life estimate so that at least I could plan for the future....right now though I'm feeling nauseated...same old same old...